The day the sky fell in over Finland

everybody panice gif

Unless you’ve been on planet ZOD! for the past few days you’ve probably heard the shocking news about our Adam. Yes! The world has been thrown off it’s axis, tpumpkin booksunamis have risen up and swallowed whole islands and life as we know it has irrevocably changed forever. Because Adam decided to go out to a club and have a few drinks with Sauli.

If only he had been a good boy and chosen to stay home and read books about raising pumpkins  instead none of this would have happened. But alas! We cannot turn back time and now we, the fans, are forced to deal with the fallout from this epic disaster. Oh woe is US!!

First for those who came in really late (we’ll forgive you this time but don’t make a habit of it) here’s a brief recap of the horrific events (hold onto your pearls ladies!!!).

One day, Adam wearriving shanghaint to China where he was beseiged by fans and followed everywhere by people with cameras. He performed some gig for a lot of bigwig corporate dudes and then tried to sneak out of the country (ha! fat chance!) and secretly head for Finland for some much needed private relaxing time with his boyfriend Sauli (ha! fat chance doubled).

SO. He arrives in Finland,  jetlagged and tired, meets up with Sauli and two of  Sauli’s mates (Sophia and Niko or Rico – whatever) and the four of them immediately head off to a popular gay club in Helsinki (mistake #1). Adam knocks back a couple of vodkas (mistake #2) and with his jetlag and exhaustion suddenly finds himself really drunk. Unfortunately so is everyone else so no-one noticed until Sauli says something to Adam that somehow turns into an argument. Sauli and Adam are yelling, Adam’s flailing his arms around as he does when he’s a bit drunk and then their drunk friend Sophia decided to intervene between them (mistake #3). As she pokes her head in between them Adam’s arm is in mid-flail and her face accidentally connects with his hand. Someone… possibly some other drunk in the bar sees that happen and blearily assumes that the big dude is beating up that nice pretty lady.

 

cops drinking
Local police rushed to the scene!

So they call the police and tell the bar owner who throws Adam and Sauli out. Meanwhile the Finnish tabloids, who have been lurking just in case something like this happened, instantly belch out BS news stories based on nothing, alleging that Adam had suddenly gone berserk and embarked on a drunken rampage through Helsinki beating up his boyfriend and random strangers for no apparent reason.

The police arrived, took drunk Sauli to a drunk tank and drunk Adam to the station. Stuck them both in cells to sober up so that they could ask them what happened.

Meanwhile Sophia and Nico tried to tweet everyone letting them know nothing had happened while random sh!t-faced drama queens at the club (looking for their 5 seconds of fame) began tweeting all kinds of wild stories about what they reckon went down, like: Sauli kicked a beauty queen in the head,  Adam took on several blokes and beat em all up (really? I’d like to see that!), Sauli fought with Sophia so her boyfriend attacked Sauli so Adam defended Sauli by attacking the boyfriend or something confusing like that and ….well…. you name it, or rather, you invent it, they said it.

The police kept giving statements to the press that it really wasn’t a big deal and they expected at most for the whole thing to result in a fine – but needed to wait till they could interview the boys.

But everyone ignored their official statements because the sensationalist rubbish was way more interesting so the media and random busy-bodies continued spreading gossip and panic all over the interweb.

dancing monkey tells the news

While Adam and Sauli sat in their lonely cold cells in Helsinki, somewhere in America (some remote place where most people daren’t venture due to the overwhelming stench) Perez Hilton awoke from a stupor after a night spent frolicking with his imaginary friends. Pushing aside his blow up dolls he slithered across the mud and slime to  his filth-encrusted computer where he discovered all the latest gossip about Adam.  Rubbing his sweaty palms together with glee, Perez proceeded to copy all the worst, most ridiculous bits of goss he could find and cobbled them together into a post for his poisonous blog. Perez never misses an opportunity to sink the boot into Adam, ever since that time he tried to pash him but Adam screamed in horror and tore off in his mustang at the speed of light. This story, tho, was an absolute God-send for America’s resident fame-whore and Perez was so excited he couldn’t stop farting!

So all the lazy-arse media all over the world sleepily read PH’s usual crap story and decided to run with it coz it sounded deliciously bad and it sure beat doing their own research of actual, you know FACTS.

And so, Adam beats up boyfriend and innocent by-standers in drunken rage became the headline of the hour.

Of course at this point no-one had a feckin clue what had happened – possibly not even Sauli and Adam themselves – so what these idiots thought they were doing screaming such damaging nonsense around the world is beyond me. It seems no journalist alive is required to understand ethics any more.

Anyhoo……….

Some time later a HUGE crowd of papz had gathered outside the police station….. (well…. about 4 in all, not including the drinks carriers) and rumours continued to fly around the net.

everybody panice gifThe more sensible twitter people were simply cracking jokes relating to Adam’s glambulge or wondering whether he’d do a “duck face mug shot” or not. But several hysterical fans were imploding all over his official fan site and twitter despairing over their boy and his wicked wicked ways. Me? I was just making popcorn, enjoying the ride (Adam is never ever dull) and waiting for Adam to be sent on his merry way, pretty certain we’d hear from him that he wasn’t hurt and everything was fine.

Sure enough, after a while Sauli posted news in his blog so everyone realised they were both ok, no longer in custody and both perfectly happy and safe. Sadly the poor old papz were still waiting in the freezing cold outside the police station even tho no-one was there, so Sauli kindly let them know there was a back gate at the police station and perhaps they should just go home – like he and Adam had already done.

The Finnish police popped out before they headed off to inform them, somewhat disappointingly, that there was actually nothing going on. That there had been no violence, no claim to answer and really it was just a case of a couple of guys partying a bit too hard and getting loud and unruly. The papz slumped off back to their lairs with nothing much to show for their vigil except red noses, cold feet and a boring tale of people getting drunk at a pub.

That’s it really.  The shocking awful facts laid bare. Terrible stuff innit. The pair of them should be locked up for at least 10 years for that. And all they got was a bit of a chin wag with the cops and then waved off home with a smile and wink. DISGUSTING I CALLS IT!!!adam in boa

So I’m calling for a public flogging. Only of Adam tho, not Sauli. Because Sauli is blond n little n cute n stuff while Adam is sorta TALL and DARK so OBVIOUSLY Adam caused the whole thing. He should be ashamed of himself. I’m hoping Adam will volunteer to flog himself (with a fluffy purple whippy thing) but if he fails to do that then someone else should whip him instead. And maybe put him in stocks for a few weeks. In tar and feathers!!! Or feather boas at least. With leather chaps and tassles on his……. ok I should stop now…..

I mean seriously. These celebs think they can get away with anything these days and Adam’s clearly the worst of the lot. WE demand action be taken against this heinous (good word that!!) human being.

Oh and according to Perez’ latest blog crap, he should apologise to Perez Hilton too. Apparently Perez is really angry over the fact that he’s so ugly and unpopular and he reckons it’s Adam’s fault so he’s been demanding an apology from Adam. We agree. Adam is clearly the cause of all the ills of the world and Perez is no exception. We would, however, go a step further and demand that Adam apologise for the very existence of Perez Hilton.

I’ll leave you all with one of Adam’s tweets sent shortly after all this happened. It stated oh so succinctly where the cause of all this angst and fuss lay and who should REALLY be issuing apologies, to Adam and to the world in general. He simply tweeted the letter  “P”.

Yes Adam. You hit the nail squarely on the head. Only you left out the second letter …………….”H”.

After the dust settled
Wild and angry Adam with terrified boyfriend Sauli

 

60 thoughts on “The day the sky fell in over Finland

  1. Found your site via a link on Adam Lambert 24/7. I have to say your recap on the “incident” was excellent. the most entertaining and funny peice I have read in a long time. Keep it up.
    I have ti say I freaked out a bit when I heard the headlines on the radio at first, but knew there would be more to it (less to It?) Keep up the good work will come here again.
    PS Went to GNT in Sydney before I knew he was coming to NZ.

  2. This was fabulous! I adore your wit and prose. I would have loved to hear your take on the now infamous ceiling punch, or better yet, the time Adam viciously attacked and brutalized the pap that wouldn’t leave him alone at the beach while on a brief rest stop during GNT. After all, the poor pap was so terrified that Adam was about to end his existance that he was laughing his arse off during the whole thing! Please say you’ll do more. I may even take a gander at what PH is excreting if you comment on it! :Cheers:

    1. LOL I didn’t know Adam when the Pap on the beach thing happened. The pics etc I’ve seen of it just make me laugh. And reinforce that there’s no way Adam would be punching people or fighting. YOu can see he has no idea how to do either. LMAO He couldn’t even wrestle a camera off a skinny weakling pap. 🙂

      1. Adam is truly such a nice guy that VIOLENCE is not in his NATURE. That said..please let’s not make him out to be a little “queen” that couldn’t be “fierce” when in the right circumstances.
        Exhibit “A” when a burly security guard at one of his GMT concerts was hassling a female fan about her camera and Adam SAW it…Watch his reaction to the guard who appears at about 2:33! WHOAAAA! LOL!

        http://youtu.be/q9-ez6EgNXc

        Sooo, he is NOT a pussy! And after he ran the guard off he says “Take my picture, bitches!” ***sigh*** I ADORE him! Met him and went to 8 of his concerts! Thanks for a great article! I Tweeted it several times in my Twitter feed! ;D

        1. Oh I agree. That’s one of my favourite Adam moments – the “take my picture bitch” episode is classic!! Adam’s fierce all right. Especially when it comes to DEFENDING OTHERS. I didn’t mean he’s a whoos. (sp?? LOL) I just meant he’s not a person who is into punching people.

      2. True! But the time he picked up Sara Gilbert (talk show host) and threw her over his shoulder was truely HOT, HOT, HOT. He did it because the show hosts were talking about manly men, and asked Adam if he could, so he did. Wanted to crawl into the TV like “The Ring” backwards and scream “Me Next!!!” Google it, it’s great. The show is called “The Talk”. :You-re-HOT:

  3. the moment i heard this story was thrown together by Perez…I knew it was mostly bull….Perez is as low as it gets…a little dweeb….

  4. Adam Lambert released a new single, “Better Than I Know Myself” earlier this week.

    Since I am more of an alternative rock person, this song doesn’t really hit the mark for me. But mostly I was confused by some of the lyrics, “Cold as ice and more bitter than a December’s winter night, that’s how I treated you. And I know that I sometimes lose my temper and I cross the line.” Later in the song, “I kind of get dark, let it go to far. I can be obnoxious at times, but try and see my heart.”

    The word “OBNOXIOUS” stuck out at me. Other than the time Adam punched a hole in the ceiling at Lady Gaga’s birthday party, I haven’t heard anyone say anything other than Adam is smart, funny, gracious, talented, nice, professional, helpful and a complete joy to work with. I even joked that if anyone had pictorial or video proof of Adam being “obnoxious”, I wanted to see the proof.

    And the Universe provided.

    On Thursday, after a 10 hour day at work I had to do some shopping. When I finally got back home and had time to check into my lifeline (a.k.a. “computer”) I found that I missed Adam Lambert and his adorable Finnish boyfriend, Sauli:

    1. Drinking too much at a gay bar in Helsinki
    2. Getting into a fight
    3. Getting kicked out of the club
    4. Taking the fight outside
    5. Hitting a former Miss Helsinki
    6. Yes, hitting a former Miss Helsinki!
    7. Getting arrested
    8. Getting sent to separate jails
    9. Getting released
    10. Making up
    11. Tweeting and blogging about it

    I love how Adam is able to give a total recap of the night in 140 characters or less on Twitter:

    So in the “Aftermath” we have “Adam math”. And at the end of the equation we get “hangover burgers”. This is so inspiring that I decided to write a poem.

    To share Christmas with Sauli so sweet,
    flew to Finland, escaping the heat.
    Jet lag, too much vodka,
    kicked out of “Don’t Tell Momma”,
    we took our fight to the street.
    Jealous of another male
    trying to get some tail,
    not at all kinky
    hitting Miss Helsinki,
    arrested and hauled off to jail.
    A lesson that can’t be beat,
    I think I will share with a Tweet.
    We’ll take a bath.
    You do the math.
    It ends with us sharing some meat.

    1. Still no video or photo “proof” tho. 😀 Nice poem. Not sure jealousy was involved on either side, but it does make for a nice story. THanks for your thoughtful comment! :Wink:

  5. Thanks for a great artikel,you deserved a award.

    First I did panic a litle but the great thing of Twitter is that he can let us know the thrut.

    Love from Holland

  6. I’m still laughing. I started not to read it because I thought “Oh no, another blogger criticizing Adam”. But I read it anyway after skipping it three times on twitter. So glad I did. You are witty, hilarious, and just plain funny. Sorry for the choice of adjectives that probably mean the same thing but it’s very late here and I’m just plain ole’ tired. Still LOLing…

    1. LOL Yes some of my keywords etc are geared towards bringing in people who aren’t Adam fans and are looking for info on the “scandal”. It can be tricky but I figured Adam’s fans would figure out. They’d HAVE to look. hee hee And thanks for your compliments. 😉 Get some sleep!

  7. Great article–very funny!. Didn’t know PH was also known as Mario. He used to do videos with his pink robe on and frankly it made me sick to my stomach just listening to him and seeing him. This guy is a real puke. Jealous as hell. I know Adam in the beginning did talk with PH, but I think that that has been way in the past. If Adam is smart (and he certainly is). he’ll never talk to that creep again.

  8. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this!!! Regarding Poohrez, I was all like… grrr, f*ck, sh*t, p*ssant little a**wipe!!! :(. After reading this article I am feeling much, much better and I am now all “oh yay!!! :). Thank you for giving me back my equilibrium.

  9. Where I live, they said on the news that Adam sucker punched Sauli. :Afraid:
    I was stumped, had a WTF moment, and then though “damn, he must be better than an orgasm when he;s tipsy and angry”
    then I saw his tweet and giggled LOL.
    Thank you for this awesome article.

    1. Sucker punched? Wow! That’s really getting specific. Since Sauli looks perfectly unblemished at the airport where do they suggest he sucker punched him? Surely they don’t mean in his …. manjigglies!! ouch! Poor Sauli. No wonder he wouldn’t speak at the airport – he probably sounds just like Justin Beiber.

      :Afraid:

      1. BLIMEY! I keep forgetting about the security question, and I lost my comment! *about to go on a rampage and beat everyone up*
        I pray to GOD Sauli doesn’t sound like that undeveloped sprout!
        It made national headline in Romania. They weren’t specific about anything, but they made it sound like Adam blew a fuse (or several) and just started using Sauli for a punching bag. It was like… Wait… Waht? :Pondering: :Beaten-up:

        1. It makes me very sad to think this horrible slanderous stuff is being repeated in media all over the world. I hope you can send this article to as many people in Romania as possible.

          BTW if you forget the security question and get the “ooops” page just hit the back button in your browser, your post will still be there. 🙂

          1. haha, thanks for the tip. I posted linkage on my blog, and I am going to write about it soon, I’m just juggling too many things at the same time now, and I want to really write about it. Do I have permission to post snippets of the article once I am done with mine?

  10. Hahaha awesome article! You should like give out a newspaper for glamberts or something 😉

    When all the commotion happened I was first one of those freaking out… then I read an article about Adam on a “violent rampage”, which made me LOL and then I just waited for Mr. Lambert himself to tweet what really happened.

  11. This is absolutely brilliant!!! I couldn’t stop laughing.
    Adam should Pee all over him, and maybe the
    little snake will dissolve!

  12. Very clever.. look forward to more of your artlicles explaining the innocence of Adam and Sauli.. Blinkin’ paps and PH just cant wait for him to do anything … including breathe, fart or burp just to diss him… hang it all.. i want someone to record that fart so i can use it as a txt alert…

  13. Perez Who? Have no idea what he said since I ignore him completely. All I know is all I wanted for C.Day was a fluffy purple whippy thing and didn’t get one. So I drank instead and since the police were busy doing the same they ignored me (I’m not famous) and I got no unintended attention hyberbolically hyped by a douche. So, like Adam and Sauli and a whole bunch of like-minded people, I got drunk. But nobody cared, which is normal. And to all a good night.

    1. Hey Chrissie!! :Hi: Yes I know you! 🙂 One of the chill AO’ers LOL

      And :Yes-Sir: – if those *** mean what I think they do then yes, that’s me. :Happy-Grin:

  14. This is the BEST article written about the story that turned out to be a total NON story! Perez is a no-talent, jealous queen HACK. I’ve seen absolutely ZERO people come to his defense. Which is encouraging since there IS no defense for that attention whore.
    Getting drunk at a Finnish nightclub during the Holidays…hmmm…..That could be the story of HUNDREDS of people in Finland that night.Just an initiation for Adam. Only difference being FAME. Two ordinary guys..no story at all. Not even a blip on the radar.
    So yeah..as The Bard would say “Much ado about nothing”… Thanks for this great article with lots of tongue-in-cheek humor! BTW, I did the same as you..chilled and even Tweeted for the pearl-clutchers to do the same. It’s good to be RIGHT. Hahahaaa! ;D
    PS: But I DID like where you were going with the “flogging” GAH! Thanks for the great mental images! ;D

  15. Look, you don’t want Adam blamed, but you think it’s OK to blame Sauli when you write: “Unfortunately so is everyone else so no-one noticed until Sauli says something to Adam that somehow turns into an argument.” You don’t know what happened. Neither do I.

    1. Hi thanks for your comment Ann.

      I think you have misunderstood the entire point of my article tho. My article is all about how NOTHING BAD HAPPENED. I havent said I “dont want Adam blamed” – I said there is NOTHING to lay blame on Adam for.

      To suggest anyone is ‘to blame’ requires you to believe a misdeed or bad behaviour occurred. Arguing isn’t a bad thing, getting a little too drunk once in a blue moon isn’t a bad thing either (not to me anyway). That’s my point. The only “bad things” that happened are things that happened TO them not BECAUSE OF them – ie ending up in jail which was completely unnecessary and enduring continual BS stories about their personal business. The ONLY thing Adam did that might be “frowned upon” by SOME (ie not me!) is GET DRUNK. Sauli speaking to Adam didn’t cause Adam to get drunk. Adam drinking vodka did that. Adam and Sauli being drunk caused them to start arguing. Not any particular thing either one of them may have said at any point in the conversation. In any case, no slight against Sauli was ever intended. For all we know Sauli might have said “oh look at that interesting wall paper” and somehow that turned into an argument. Doesn’t mean it’s SAULI’s fault they argued. It just means someone said something and then somewhere along the way, because they were drunk, they ended up arguing. Probably over the stupidest thing imaginable is my guess.

    2. WTAF? How could you read this entire article and still twist that one sentence around so its blaming Sauli? it doesn’t even remotely blame sauli 4 anything at all

      ‘Sauli said something that somehow turns into an argument’ could easily, possibly more easily! mean Adam turned an innocent comment into an argument. i can’t imagine any way the writer could’ve made that part of the story more open and vague. if anything soaked has been careful not to try and 2nd guess who did/said what to cause them to disagree. This story is obviously about the media and Perez, not dissing the boys. God! #sensitivesally

      1. LOL Thanks for your spirited defence! But it’s not true. I most definitely coulda made it more open & vague by taking out any identifying words – like so: “Unfortunately, so is noticed until somehow turns into!”. See! I just didn’t try hard enough.

        But seriously, the only thing I want to do to Sauli is smish that cute face and bear hug him!

        1. OK…make ya a deal…while YOU “bear hug” Sauli….I’ll “bare hug” Adam! Umkay?? LOL! ;D <333 Sounds like #WINNING to moi!

          1. hmmmmm wait…. if there’s a choice and Adam is one of the options … nah you’ll have to fight me for Adam – sorry 😉 Bare or not. hee hee

    1. Thank you Irish for your nice comment! And thanks also for your generosity! 😉 (yes I know all!!!) We really appreciate the support!

      :THANK-YOU:

  16. I almost strangled myself with my pearls when I first heard this story lol !! So happy you cleared up so many things ! As far as PH is concerned he’s not even a blip on the radar screen,he’s simply an attention whore !

  17. Bwuahhhhhhhhhhhhh love it.

    PH can kiss our collective asses.

    we all know PH likes to lie, cause his nose is bigger than his dick. :Liar:

  18. Geez – this is turrible. But pleese don’t leave yur readers stranded!! I mean stuff P-H.
    But what I reely wanna knoow – do ya think Adam would gif me his hat??

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